Nothing But Brocktails

3 09 2008

You’ve seen it many times, the group of graphic-t adorned young bucks bellying up to the bar with that one particular order in mind. It usually goes something like: “hey bro, I need 6 jaag-bombs for my boys, an RBV for me and a Vod Tonic for my lady. make em strong!” While we can all decry the poor taste involved in selecting these beverages, and even more strongly debate the merits of heart attack-in-a-glass, there is an unfortunate side effect emerging as a result of this widespread brohavior.

Yes, that’s right, your neighborhood corner bar has been taken over by the bromunity, they’ve fired all the bartenders, and now you have Katie and Starr tending bar to a bunch of morons. The bar is supposed to be whatever a patron needs on a given night, so we can’t lay blame at the proprietors feet for this tragedy. But we can implore our friends and bros to get more creative when ordering drinks. Because no one ever orders anything but Vodka and… these days, bartenders no longer need any skill or ability to create what used to be passionately referred to as ‘the cocktail’.

It is beyond us why bros are so happy to fork over 11 of their hardly-earned dollars for what amounts to about 10 seconds of effort and $0.25 of liquor, we can’t do much about the price but please just order a Gimlet! Order a Manhattan, a whiskey sour, an americano, a fizz, an old fashioned, even a silly drink like a mai tai or colada for god sakes but if you continue to only order the cliche three (jaag bomb, RBV, G/V&T/S) the art of the bar will be forever lost.

Sure we will always be able to find those magical few outposts of elixir heaven, but its just such a pain to have to trapse all over town to find a good cocktail. It’s even worse to run into the now-common comment from behind the bar that “we don’t make those” or “that takes too long” or “I don’t know how to make that”. You don’t know how to make a god-damn gimlet????? WTF. Supply and demand folks, simple as that, get some taste and the tenders will follow.

Get some ideas here and here.

Slip Me a Fitty-Spot and Your Glass Can Have Ice

23 07 2008

It was long ago time for a stern scolding of our good friends in the nightclub industry along with those of us who continue to patronize their houses of sin and immorality. We have all certainly shared the warm and fuzzy experience that waits for us behind the glorious velvet rope of the discotecas found in LA, Vegas, NYC, SF and Miami. We have slipped the doorman who still lives with his mom a benjamin just to get in and find the table we paid $2000 to get some bottle “service” at for two hours is next to the kitchen while every employee in the house requires more three figure payments just to do their job. Let’s be clear that we’re jealous of these club-trepreneurs, no one has made so much money for doing so little since Enron and those guys are in jail. Regardless of our jealousy though, these houses of bro must be reined in before their practice spreads into places we actually like.

Read the rest of this entry »

Bros at Risk? A Startling Truth

27 05 2008

Today’s New York Times included an article that highlighted a dangerous ‘new’ trend among today’s young bros:

Health researchers have identified a surprising new predictor for risky behavior among teenagers and young adults: the energy drink.

As usual the MSM is last to know, but as always they are right on the mark. It has been quite a while since we have seen a bro on the streets or in the bars without the ubiquitous oversized (or undersized) can in their ‘roidy claws. Apparently these succulent beverages may contribute to risky behavior? Come on Times, take a position for god sakes, haven’t you seen a motocross race or a jackass episode lately? Had a chance to catch Rob Dyrdek of Rob & Big fame, a show we like, decked out in the Monster “M” lately? We’re sure that Soulja Girl was hopped up on Guarana as well.

As if the health risks weren’t enough, there is now ‘Risky Behavior’ to boot. Paging all Congressional candidates, a ban on sales of Redline and Spike Shooters to youth just may get you that trip to Washington after all.

Seems Like a Good Idea