Sweet Laxin’ Brah!

30 05 2008

We won’t even get started on the whole Lax controversy over the last couple of years, while it does speak to some Broficient behavior we choose to ignore it for the purposes of this site. What we can’t ignore, however, is the strict bromunity of laxers that dominates our prep schools and northeastern colleges.

Dare we say that Lacrosse may take the title as the most BROtherly sport around? Bromance does seem to float around your average Laxer party, not to mention a good number of chest bumps and beer-forehead collisions. In fact, if you have seen Indiana Jones and the Legend of the Crystal Skull (don’t get us started) laxers are pretty much the opposite of those creepy aliens. Meaning put 13 laxers in a room together and communal IQ plummets, while one may very well lose their skull.

Let’s not forget where the lax nation is headquartered either, the land of plentiful middies and GB’s galore: Long Island and Maryland. It is from this hot-bed of brotastic meatheads that the bulk of our collegiate lax bros emanate. They must put something in the Muscle Milk out there. CREATINE! HGH! BRO!


Anti-Bro: We Da BEST Man

29 05 2008

Way back in 2006 our good friend Nas, the troublemaker of ‘Hate me now’ fame, declared that our beloved Hippity-Hop was indeed a festering corpse. Fortunately for us Nas’ portent has proved slightly inaccurate,  not unlike the original Nas of the 16th century. What’s that you say? How do we know hip-hop is registering a pulse? We’re glad you asked:

That’s right, these fine young gentlemen have kept their noses to the grindstone despite Nas’ predictions, and from the looks of things they appear to be doing quite well.

Bro, you must be new around here Bro, man we da best man. Yes, DJ Khaled you are the best, keep doin what you do.

Bros in Cages

28 05 2008

Then there was bloodFor several years we watched as young bros spent hours, along with $74.99 of their parents hard earned money, watching the fantastically scripted bouts known variously as WWF, WWE, WCW, NWO may as well just be B.R.O. These man-tastic orgasms of blood, sweat and bros were the peak of bro-tainment for many a year, starring the likes of the awesome Ric Flair, Ken Shamrock and Hulkamania. Unfortunately the deets started to leak out about referees directing the ‘fights’, spring-loaded floormats and elaborate choreography. Not long after the best promoted wrestling bout of the century was to be between Donald Trump and Vince McMahon over who would be shaving their head in defeat….snore. Luckily that never happened, as McMahon realized all Trump had to do was remove the toupe.

It wasn’t long before a few hard core bros got together and decided to satiate this blood lust desire with what is now vaingloriously called extreme cage-fighting. If you haven’t experienced this spectacle yet, consider yourself served:

The All-star bro of this cast is none other than Mr. UFC himself Chuck Liddell. Let’s not be too hard on this guy, he did appear in a fairly entertaining Entourage ep and he does maintain his primary residence in San Luis Obispo, one of our favorite towns. But when you get right down to it he is a lifted truck driving, affliction shirt wearing, mohawk sporting bro at heart (Please spare us Mr. Liddell). If there are any aspiring bros out there be sure to pick up a pair of those dope-ass Tapout trunks Chuck endorses, they should provide that edge you need after 6 Red Bull/Vodkas find you in an alley demonstrating some Muay Thai on some guy twice your size.

As if the fights themselves were not enough, the recent news is that Bro #1 himself Mark Cuban is getting involved in the business. Let’s hope for Dirk Nowitski v. Avery Johnson III in the near future.

Bros at Risk? A Startling Truth

27 05 2008

Today’s New York Times included an article that highlighted a dangerous ‘new’ trend among today’s young bros:

Health researchers have identified a surprising new predictor for risky behavior among teenagers and young adults: the energy drink.

As usual the MSM is last to know, but as always they are right on the mark. It has been quite a while since we have seen a bro on the streets or in the bars without the ubiquitous oversized (or undersized) can in their ‘roidy claws. Apparently these succulent beverages may contribute to risky behavior? Come on Times, take a position for god sakes, haven’t you seen a motocross race or a jackass episode lately? Had a chance to catch Rob Dyrdek of Rob & Big fame, a show we like, decked out in the Monster “M” lately? We’re sure that Soulja Girl was hopped up on Guarana as well.

As if the health risks weren’t enough, there is now ‘Risky Behavior’ to boot. Paging all Congressional candidates, a ban on sales of Redline and Spike Shooters to youth just may get you that trip to Washington after all.

Seems Like a Good Idea