Check Out my MySpace Bro, Thanks for the Add!

28 05 2008

This post needs almost no explanation but still must be said. If you’re looking for a few million bros, look no further than mighty Rupert’s foray into the blessed interwebs. Yes, thats right, we’re talking myspace.com. This true bromunity of type A bros and bro-hos provides more instruction than we ever could on the essential ingredients to bro-dom.

What constantly amazes us is all the shit that these bros can fit onto one webpage, especially since overlord Murdoch places about 17 ads per page. In a few thousand pixels your average bro is able to communicate so much:

  • His music tastes, hippity-hop to the rap-rock natch (to you and all those within a 15 foot range of your computer)
  • His dope and fresh look conveyed through various headshots of bro #1 in some of his 117 New Era fitteds, size 1/2 too large.
  • His plethora of bro-hos, all of which are desperate to meet him in real life to provide him with male enhancement products for endless bedtime happiness, in exchange he might holler at dem wit a cameo in the next music vid he produces
  • His stable of ‘whips’, including his multimedia Tahoe and a street-tuned performance muscle civic to his wakeboat and hayabusa sportbike (no money down? siiiiick!). Oh, the wakeboat? It’s at the dry dock. The Tahoe? It’s in the shop, but my grandma’s Park Avenue is totally dope, like, almost a low-low.
  • His web developer dexterity as evidenced by various flashing, spinning, vomit inducing widgets. Extreme!!!

Keep hope alive, bro, maybe someday you can be all your myspace profile says you are!

Here’s a little myspace themed icanhas for you, you’re welcome.

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Scrubs Gets it Right

28 05 2008

Now for the happier side of the Bro-nomenon. Sometimes its just guy love, thats all it is. Is that so wrong?





Shocking…Just Shocking

28 05 2008

Bro Predators looking to take advantage of their fellow bros, the unseemly underbelly of this otherwise harmless trend.





Bro SF: Hipster Haven

28 05 2008

While the ‘Classic Bro’ as described by the majority of the posts on this site is certainly the dominant figure in the bro world, there are others that can lay claim to the name in various geographic regions of the County. In San Francisco, our hq, there is a prominent sub-culture called the Hipster. This group perceives itself as counter-culture, a common thread among bromunities, but in fact is more homogenous and uninspired than brodom at large. This group can be identified by several characteristics:

 

  • Downright questionable embrace of Kaffiyeh scarves as a fashion statement
  • Fixed wheel or single gear bicycles as primary mode of transportation, with ubiquitous U-lock in back pocket or stuck through back of belt
  • Skinny jeans
  • Aversion to anything perceived as ‘pop-culture’ and a related love for anything ‘undiscovered’ regardless of its nature or value
  • A propensity to bitch about things like ‘gentrification’ and capitalism though they themselves are often the best examples and leading edge into new neighborhoods and new markets
  • Beards lacking even subtle maintenance
  • Extra touches like taped up nerd glasses, unkempt hair or military apparel.

Please, hipsters, spare us your self-righteous propaganda, you are but bros at heart.

 





Some Good Journalism…

27 05 2008

Natch there are plenty of people out there in the world noticing this phenomenon, here is a good piece of satire from our friends at the Onion. Of course a key element of Bro-dom is the recognition of other Bros during Bro-time, when it is acceptable to be emotional in expressing your gratitude to your bros

  • I’ve long admired your absolute broficiency in all things bro-related, and the way you’ve always carried yourself in a brofessional manner. I consider you a brole model. When I was new in this town, you took me under your wing and showed me the bropes. And I will always preesh that. Not only did you school me in proper brotocol, but you were a spiritual leader, a confidant, and, more importantly, a bro. You taught me how to be true to my inner bro and to bros around me. You are a real bro. Not a fake bro, like those other douches. I hate fake bros, bro. Faux breaux. Fuck that. No, really, bro…you’re practically a bro-ther to me.

Faux breaux, F that indeed.