American Apparel vs. the Snuggie

5 02 2009

snuggieIf you haven’t yet come to know the powerful magic contained in the “Snuggie” also known as America’s plan to fight foreign oil and solve the climate crisis, you have been in a cave in Afghanistan for the past 12 months. With recession, nay depression, gripping the country, some enterprising telemarketers came upon the idea that you could just shut off your heat if you walked around all day in a body-sized blanket. Of course that is merely the practical explanation when we all know that fashion is really what they were shooting for…right?

Right. Witness our hipster friends over at American Apparel and their new creation….the batwing hoodie.aapparel1

Let’s just say this…I can’t wait to see these on the streets bro.

How-To: Break Up With Your Bro-Ho

11 07 2008

This Gem of a breakup comes our way from a heartbroken couple that just couldn’t make it work. Obviously the love didn’t last:

Read the tearful brorespondence after the fold. Mind you this is NSFW and we do not wholly endorse this bro’s cold and heartless actions, wink wink.

Read the rest of this entry »

Anti-Bro: Just Try To Stop Him

18 06 2008

There is no one on earth more anti-bro than our good friend on the fairway, Mr. Eldrick Woods. Jordan ruled the hardwood in a way no one ever has or ever will, but its fairly clear that Tiger has broken new ground. Unfortunately we won’t see him smash the burners anymore this year due to the surgery (wtf? he won this weekend and is under the knife? crazy) but nonetheless the Open was reason enough to believe for another year. All along the way he has had those commercial hit-masters at Nike to steward his legend. Bravo Tiger, you are anti-bro.

Can You Hear Me Now, Bro?

30 05 2008

JawBroVigilante justice can be oh so sweet, and few things make us consider it more seriously than the epidemic of bluetooths and jawbones drooping out of earlobes everywhere.

We’ll admit the plethora of private conversations over these devices have confused us on more than a few occasions, as we respond to conversation someone is having with their own ear. In fact, it has always seemed surprising that if this mistake is made the offending bluetoother always stares incredulously like we’re the crazy one talking to ourselves. Instead it’s you, Jawbro, on your ‘tooth that looks the crazy one talking to yourself driving down the 101. Haven’t you seen the guy down on the corner shouting about satan? That’s you if you don’t get that bug out of your ear sometime soon.

Yeah, yeah, we know that states everywhere are passing laws making it ‘illegal’ to talk on anything other than a Jawbro while driving etc., but have you considered just shutting your mouth down for a few minutes even if alone in your car. We can only imagine what would happen to the Buddhists if Motorola shipped a couple ‘tooths out to them, meditative reflection would be all but lost.


Bro is to Bro as Man is to Manziere

29 05 2008

It’s hard to say when and where the bro-nomenon began, but there is a case to be made for a particular ep of Seinfeld as the culprit. Before this ep aired the usage of Bro was mostly confined to the African-American community purely as a term of solidarity and respect.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, our friends at Seinfeld spawned an entirely new usage with the male bra, manziere, or more simply the Bro. This creation took the term from serious to silly and as with most Seinfeld colloquials was oft-repeated in the annals of pop-culture. Obviously this usage is not synonomous with ours here on this site, but we are merely arguing that the bro was let out of the bag. Thank you, Jerry Seinfeld, you are a god among Bros.

First Bros Update: Bromance Rekindled!

29 05 2008

It is with great joy and relief that we report our favorite braindead broteam is back together again. E! online reports that this power couple has put their differences behind them in the name of truly great reality tv. As if we were ever worried they would run the clock out on their 15 minutes, it appears BROdy has inked up for a new series about which we are tingling with anticipation, Bromance.

Although it isn’t clear if Spence will get top billing or even be a part of the newly launched series, here’s to hoping he’ll make an appearance at a few Brodeos. Broducer extraordinaire Mr. Ryan Brocrest will be at the helm, and we couldn’t be more pleased. As the old saying goes, takes Bro to know Bro, and our buddy Ryan certainly knows Bro.


The World Is Yours, Bro.

29 05 2008

We will be the first to admit Scarface is (was?) a badass, but he also executed his drug trade in a cavalier and moronic fashion that got him killed unnecessarily and undercut every single friend he ever had. He hit mountains of his own product and seems to have been fucked up more often than even mildly cognizant of his surroundings, certainly great news for business. But lets not miss the point here….he was a badass. Enough said.

Thanks to this mountain of a man, today we are privileged to be surrounded by a burgeoning flock of Brony Montanas at every rap concert we attend. What exactly is the fascination with Mr. Montana, Bro? Do you assume that because you’re walking towards us in your BROface tall tee that we’ll cower in fear, or is it a sign we should ask you for an 8-ball? Oh now we get it, you’re hoping that some federal agents might mistake you for the heir to Tony’s throne and as you go down in a blaze of glory we can all remember you larger than life in Scarface II: Denver. While we are sure your biopic would be highly entertaining, why don’t you put away the Scarface hoody, stop playing dress up, go back to your Mom’s house, grab the keys to the Corolla and strap on the Home Depot Apron. Tony Would be proud, Bro.

Check Out my MySpace Bro, Thanks for the Add!

28 05 2008

This post needs almost no explanation but still must be said. If you’re looking for a few million bros, look no further than mighty Rupert’s foray into the blessed interwebs. Yes, thats right, we’re talking This true bromunity of type A bros and bro-hos provides more instruction than we ever could on the essential ingredients to bro-dom.

What constantly amazes us is all the shit that these bros can fit onto one webpage, especially since overlord Murdoch places about 17 ads per page. In a few thousand pixels your average bro is able to communicate so much:

  • His music tastes, hippity-hop to the rap-rock natch (to you and all those within a 15 foot range of your computer)
  • His dope and fresh look conveyed through various headshots of bro #1 in some of his 117 New Era fitteds, size 1/2 too large.
  • His plethora of bro-hos, all of which are desperate to meet him in real life to provide him with male enhancement products for endless bedtime happiness, in exchange he might holler at dem wit a cameo in the next music vid he produces
  • His stable of ‘whips’, including his multimedia Tahoe and a street-tuned performance muscle civic to his wakeboat and hayabusa sportbike (no money down? siiiiick!). Oh, the wakeboat? It’s at the dry dock. The Tahoe? It’s in the shop, but my grandma’s Park Avenue is totally dope, like, almost a low-low.
  • His web developer dexterity as evidenced by various flashing, spinning, vomit inducing widgets. Extreme!!!

Keep hope alive, bro, maybe someday you can be all your myspace profile says you are!

Here’s a little myspace themed icanhas for you, you’re welcome.

Scrubs Gets it Right

28 05 2008

Now for the happier side of the Bro-nomenon. Sometimes its just guy love, thats all it is. Is that so wrong?

Shocking…Just Shocking

28 05 2008

Bro Predators looking to take advantage of their fellow bros, the unseemly underbelly of this otherwise harmless trend.