Slip Me a Fitty-Spot and Your Glass Can Have Ice

23 07 2008

It was long ago time for a stern scolding of our good friends in the nightclub industry along with those of us who continue to patronize their houses of sin and immorality. We have all certainly shared the warm and fuzzy experience that waits for us behind the glorious velvet rope of the discotecas found in LA, Vegas, NYC, SF and Miami. We have slipped the doorman who still lives with his mom a benjamin just to get in and find the table we paid $2000 to get some bottle “service” at for two hours is next to the kitchen while every employee in the house requires more three figure payments just to do their job. Let’s be clear that we’re jealous of these club-trepreneurs, no one has made so much money for doing so little since Enron and those guys are in jail. Regardless of our jealousy though, these houses of bro must be reined in before their practice spreads into places we actually like.

We must band together and unite in opposition to these scoundrels of the night and boycott these ‘hot’ clubs that we all continue to attend for reasons beyond explanation. It seems to us that for $2000 you could throw a pretty baller-status party at your spot that would grab you some serious cred among the bros and bro-hos. You would be in control, showing your skillz as a socialite and best of all wouldn’t have to slide some douche a fitty just to use the bathroom.

To play bro’s advocate for a minute, yes we understand that the bro-ho quotient is much better at the club and that there is so much dime ass just waiting to be taken down by your moves on the d-floor. But lets be straight with each other for just one minute, 95% of the time that bro-ho you’ve got your eye on just drinks your booze and leaves with her boyfriend, let’s remember you’re not a rapper or a professional athlete. If you want to keep lying to yourself that Tao, Opera, LAX or Harlot are the only places to find the ladies then go ahead and throw around those Benjamins, we’ll wait outside where the drinks aren’t $18 and you don’t have to tip the waitress who hates you $500 to pour you 15 RBVs.

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