How’d You Do That Bro?

23 07 2008

We’re all familiar with Harry Potter, know he’s real and believe in magic, end of story and don’t ever talk shit about him, bro. But there are those out there who purport to share his unique and totally cool powers, the brogicians known as Criss Angel and David Blaine. These studs of the magic world are featured in various TV specials or shows defying death as they attempt increasingly base and pointless feats. We will focus our attention on just one of these spectacularly lame individuals, a one Mr. Criss Angel.

To give you a brief run-down of his resume, he is a semi-gothic post-punk attention hog (see Bam Margera) who poorly executes stunts on his A&E magic show “Mindfreak.” All stunts are performed as he is surrounded by his weeping family who seem dumb enough to believe he is actually in danger and somehow miraculously survives every time, though they would clearly be close enough to him to realize he is a fraud and magic isn’t real….unless your last name is Potter. He dresses in death related garb and has a fan following roughly approximating that of a WWE wrestler.

The upside is that he is such a bro that apparently the majority of Hollywood’s pretty faces and vapid brains have fallen for his charm and entered his bedroom of mystery. We will give him some mild props for this accomplishment, but he is still solidly in the realm of the bro-masters.

Bro-nalysis: Angel begs to be a bro and covers almost every checkbox on the bro-list. He loves skulls, affliction gear, pretends to motorcycle, is overly mysterious, semi-hipster, drives an escalade and swills energy drinks non-stop. There are few in this world who demonstrate this bronomenon better than Mr. Angel, for that we can certainly induct him into the Bromunity Hall of Shame, congratulations you little champion you!

Now we share a little video that is part of an awesome series that makes fun of Mr. Blaine, be sure to check the rest out after watching this one over on Youtube.

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7 01 2009
NOTW? « Criticism As Inspiration

[…] tell that your logo slapped sideways on some flat-billed cap is a sad sack attempt to emulate bro culture (of which I was, admittedly, ignorant until Elijah enlightened me last year, but which I now see […]

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